I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
