1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
