he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
