I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
