We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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