If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
