my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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