We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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