Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
