just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
