hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
