Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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