and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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