it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I don't think brook has ever known best
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
