just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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