the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
