people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
