I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
