Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
