a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
