You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
