To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
