Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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