Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
only you would photoshop your dick
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
