is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
