my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i need to put some appletini on your dick
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
