There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
