you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Oh god it's open bar.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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