i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
