My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
