I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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