Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
