Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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