when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
