I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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