My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
