Umm I'm too high to move.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
