just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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