You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
