well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
