I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
