He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
