Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
