You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
