apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
