There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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