yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My vagina just clenched in fear
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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