I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
