She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
