Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
