I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
