Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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