I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Randomize
